Giving Thanks. 2015.

Goals.

I talk quite a bit about goals in this blog. My daughters' school focuses on having GRIT and perseverance to meet your goals. My Jamberry Team Leader offers us training, leadership insights and encourages us to impress the importance of writing down your goals and making them real. But my first adult Goal Epiphany was thanks to Sensei Jimmy Pedro at Pedro's Judo Club in Wakefield, MA. You've read about this in the past here, but hear me out...

Three years ago, my then five year old was begging for martial arts classes. We had tried karate over a summer and something was missing. As my father (and I briefly) had trained  in judo, I knew the differences between the sports. By watching her on the karate mat I saw immediately that what she needed she would find in judo.

But there was a catch. A big, freakin, chronically-ill-mom-walking-with-a-cane catch...

Pedro's Judo is up thirty-two stairs. THIRTY TWO. Straight up, big warehouse style steps. Dang. We'd been to a children's party there that summer and I knew how precisely  how hard  it was for me to get up there and how lightheaded I was when it came time to drive home.

I sat in the small corner office with head instructor, Sensei Riley McIlwain and watched him do a mini teaching session with my little maniac. Oh man, she glowed. She was elated, ecstatic, like I've never seen over an activity. She was HAPPY.

And I felt fear. Deep, cold gut chilling momma-fear that I would let her down.

In that moment, before I ever heard a word about the importance of goal setting, something crystallized in my mind: I would get Maddie to this dojo twice a week, every week, for as long as she wants to train. Period.

In the years following I've had the honor of hearing Sensei Jimmy Pedro and later, Senseis Kayla Harrison and Travis Stevens speak multiple times on the power of goal setting, goal directed guided imagery and their direct impact on success. Tonight, about three years later, I listened as they spoke again.

The past three years have been rough physically - a few times I've sat in the parking lot after class with my head on the steering wheel, crying while I summoned the grit to drive home safely through a blur of fatigue and pain but other nights...

Other nights I open the windows and sing along with the radio at the top of my lungs as the tears pour down my face. I sing to give voice to the pain and anger, the power and grief and the huge, glorious, hard earned pride that stream from me as I make that short drive.

In three years, my daughters have never missed a single judo class because of my body. Twice, then three times, now four times a week, I stand at the bottom of those steps and take a deep breath. When I get up to the dojo, friends and acquaintances ask me how I'm doing and a select few there truly understand how much I mean when I say, "I made it up the steps; it's a good day."

I never knew what Pedro's would do for me, and it happened before my daughter or I ever stepped foot on the mat. For this and so much more, I am humbly, deeply grateful.

Doumo arigatou gozaimashita, Senseis Pedro and McIlwain. See you tomorrow.

Edited to add...
It dawned on me this morning that this goal has accomplished one more thing: through meeting my goal every week, every set of stairs, I model for my daughters an example of a strong, committed, powerful woman. And that's all I've ever wanted to achieve.

Original posts ...
9/20/12 A Goal Set is a Goal Met

11/22/2012 A Goal Set: Thanksgiving Update

11/27/2014 A Heart Full of Joy

A Goal Set is a Goal Met

I was never a stellar athlete.  If you've read my posts and have a grasp of my limits, you'd never believe that I've enjoyed sailboarding, canoeing, freestyle karate, kickboxing, Judo, tai chi, softball, gymnastics, tennis, soccer, competitive ballroom dancing, basketball ... you get the idea. I was never particularly remarkable at any of them but they all added a color to my life that wasn't there before. Still I kept seeking until I found my true love -  yoga. After fourteen years of practice I often wonder, "What if I hadn't been so determined to find my niche?"

The summer my children were six and three, I decided I wanted my kids to try new things during vacation. My eldest had been begging for gymnastics so we opted for that as one activity. For something completely different we decided to add in a summer course of karate at a local facility.

The moment Audrey's feet hit the mats at gymnastics, her eyes began to shine in a way I'd never seen. My sweet six year old had tried many fun activities before but as soon as the novelty wore off, Audrey would become distracted and lose interest. I couldn't believe the difference with gymnastics! Audrey beamed through the whole class and bounded off the mat full of joy and pride at her new skills. Thankfully the gym had fantastic class times and I was able to schedule her at a time when her Dad was home to drive her. No brainer!

Maddie, on the other hand, fell hard for karate. At the end of the summer, I realized I was just not physically able to get her to two karate practices a week during the school year -- especially since I still wasn't driving. I took a deep breath and said, "Someday, but not now." Disappointed, Maddie took it well and over the next two years enjoyed dance, gymnastics and swimming. She excelled at everything and enjoyed her classes but kept asking, "Mom, when can I take martial arts again?"

I had planned to wait until third grade, until she was old enough to understand the commitment that a martial arts practice entails. Maddie had other plans. This July I was blindsided by big blue eyes, pig tails and the firm words I hadn't expected to hear. "Mom, if I quit dance and gymnastics, can I PLEASE take martial arts?" It seemed that my kiddo was ready for martial arts far earlier than I expected.

I remembered being younger than Maddie and my father teaching me Judo falls and rolls to protect a fragile bone in my arm and my husband and I decided it was time. We are lucky enough to have a Judo dojo one town over (within my driving distance) so we set up a trial class for Maddie. There was only one thing in Maddie's way.

Stairs.

The only way to get into the dojo was for me to climb up a monster flight of stairs - and half the classes were at times that couldn't rely on my husband for help. The first time I did those stairs my head spun, knees went weak and my legs turned to jelly. Anyone else could simply work harder and get used to it, but I had to gauge things carefully - would I be able to safely drive home after those stairs? Can I commit to this?

That day I watched Sensei Riley McIlwain work with Maddie on the mat, saw him connect with her and get her to glow with confidence. Sigh. No brainer.

That was a few months ago. Getting up those stairs has never been a "Can I?" Getting up those stairs is a gritted-teeth "I WILL". Last night Maddie had a chance to go to her first open gym class run by the gym owner, Sensei Jimmy Pedro. Among many other accomplishments, Sensei Pedro is a World Champion, twice Olympic medalist and recently coached the 2012 US Olympic team to the first ever US Gold in Judo in London. Open gym generally focuses on one judo technique and one leadership theme, and is open to the smallest Little Dragons all the way up to the blackbelts.

After warming up, Sensei Pedro spoke to the students about the evening's theme: Goal setting. A primary part of studying judo at Pedro's Judo is learning to set goals and meet them. Little Dragons are expected to set a goal with their parents for something to accomplish at home. Together they write it in their attendance book, committing to work on it outside of the dojo. This practice continues no matter your rank or age.

"A goal set is a goal met," said Sensei Pedro, continuing "When you want to accomplish something, write it down. Put it on your door or your wall." I looked at my own Little Dragon sitting next to black belts who had competed all over the world, my own little Maddie, listening to life lessons across the mat from Sensei Travis Stevens of the 2012 US Olympic Judo team.

Those stairs were brutal last night and the effects have hit me hard today. Absolutely too tired to drive, I had to rest for an hour before I was strong enough to load the dishwasher. As my legs wobbled at the kitchen counter I thought back to Sensei Pedro's words last night. "A goal set is a goal met."

Living with physical limits is tough on a person. Duh. But few people think about what life is like for a parent with physical limits. "I'm sorry, we can't..." becomes a standard part of their lexicon. We are not only challenged with raising strong, compassionate children like every other parent, but we are are also entrusted with helping our children grow up resilient, determined, patient, thankful and not resentful in a life that is limited by someone else's pain and weakness. In this house you don't get an allowance for picking up your markers. You pick up your markers because mom uses a cane and could get seriously hurt. Period.

I will get Maddie to Judo, just as I continue to get Audrey to gymnastics. Often I will have to grit my teeth to make those stairs. Sometimes I will really pay for the strain the next day. But last night my efforts were rewarded with seeing my daughter learn more than just Judo from a world class instructor. She wasn't the only one learning from him last night. A goal set is a goal met.

Maddie with Sensei Jimmy Pedro 9/19/2012

Updated 11/22/2012 A Goal Set: Thanksgiving Update

Updated 11/27/2014 A Heart Full of Joy

Updated 6/23/2015 Giving Thanks. 2015.