Dear Audrey,
Ah my love, it is hard to be different. You are smart and colorful and so incredibly soft inside. I remember you coming home from first grade having been teased about loving the colors chartreuse, vermilion, magenta and aquamarine. You get that from me, love. I remember being called Webster because I loved reading the dictionary. I watch you do these same things, missing the same social cues I missed (and still miss...) and I see a very fancy target painted on your sweet little back.
I see you dealing with bullying in many forms. I see you not understanding how to fit into a group at the playground, feeling left out because you can't figure out how to join in. I hope and pray you find a way to be strong without holding power over someone smaller, more fragile than you.
I have hope.
Not that you will fit in or be any different than you are, or that you will fit in or be any less sparkly than you were born to be. I have hope that you will find other hedgehogs like you. Prickly on the outside, soft and unique underneath. I have hope that the work parents and educators are doing towards changing the face of bullying continues. I hope that no matter who you turn out to be, who you love, how you love, that you will feel strong and confident in your choices and yourself.
I have hope that someday you will talk to your children and try to help them understand how when you were little people were still told who they could love. And I hope it will be so freakishly foreign to them and to you that you have difficulty explaining it all.
Dear Maddie,
You are a such an amazing, vibrant little girl. I see how you walk into a room and instantly have friends, how you find people who are left out and gently ease them into the play. I see your bright mind and hysterical sense of humor and love watching you throw yourself hard into everything you try. I can't wait to see you enjoy work and school in ways I never could. I see you confused by your sister's difficulty joining in, hurt by her prickles, worried for her pain.
My hope for you is that you learn to understand how she feels, how those who are different, excluded, marginalized ... prickly ... that sometimes they are not choosing their path. How sometimes prickles are something they are born with. I hope you find happiness in your strength and not let those who would try, hurt your huge, squishy amazing heart.
~~~
We as adults are spending so much time reading, learning and teaching about bullying. And tonight while I should have been sleeping, I had a thought. If my future teenage Audrey was forced by stronger, more powerful, scary girls to give up a boyfriend she cared about ... that would be bullying. We are giving her tools now in her young life to protect her against those Mean Girls that would belittle her and degrade her choices.
But how is that different than a powerful, scary group of adults telling a person they can't marry their gay lover? How can we claim to teach our children not to bully others when adults still bully adults?
I still have hope. I have hope that small groups of people will make a small difference in small communities. And that small groups will become larger. I have hope that my children will watch freedom and the elimination of social bullying change over their lifetime. I have hope that adults who find their lives fitting easily into the norm, like my Maddie, will find compassion and strength to support those who are less strong and who need advocates.
Showing posts with label history. Show all posts
Showing posts with label history. Show all posts
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
The Nonnie Blanket
This past fall was a tough one for me. Serious fibromyalgia flares are always hard but this one came on the heels of my strongest 18 months in over a decade. I'd enjoyed exercising again and my body had forgotten what true fibro pain and fatigue felt like. As my brain turned to mush and my fingers went fumbly I groped for a knitting project to help me pass the time. Heaven knows I didn't dare attempt to finish my lace or sock projects so I decided to begin a small afghan as a surprise for each of my little girls.
Never having knit something as large as an afghan, I soon became a bit overwhelmed by the immensity of the projects ahead of me. There was one clear driving force that kept me moving forward however ... The Nonnie Blanket.
My grandmother, Irene, spent decades crocheting afghans and throw blankets for the people she loves. One of my favorite childhood memories is nap time on our scratchy green couch. When my sister and I were little our nap schedules were completely opposite (despite my mother's desperate attempts to synchronise them). During my sister's nap time, my mom would turn on a quiet show for me to watch while she and my sister slept. We three curled up together on on the old green sofa in the den, under a very 70's afghan made by my Gramma. Years later when I had children of my own it somehow wandered into my apartment and I will Never. Let. It. Go.
At some point my Gramma managed to make three of beautiful cream blankets - one for myself, my brother and my sister. I can't imagine making knitting three of the same blanket -let alone one as complex as this. She'll tell it's a simple pattern and no big deal but now that I have a clue about what goes into these, I'm just floored. I love the classic beauty of this one.
I'd really love to have this blanket out in use but I just can't bear the idea of little fingers poking through the holes or leave an uncapped marker on it (shudder!) so it's hanging out at my mother's house until I can welcome it home. I can just picture it draped over the back of the rocker glider that I nursed my babies in.
My Gramma just kept on crocheting. I was thrilled to receive this one at my bridal shower and it moved with my husband and I from our first apartment to our condo. Whenever I was sick or just feeling blah I began to reach for its familiar comfort. I snuggled under it through pregnancies and newborn days and eventually it gained permanent residence on my side of the bed. When my oldest daughter began to talk, my Gramma became Nonnie and this blanket became The Nonnie Blanket. When the children were sick or frightened at night they would ask to borrow it, fighting over it until I brought out the green and brown one ... now dubbed The Other Nonnie Blanket.
And then we were all sick at once ... leaving no Nonnie Blanket for me. So I began to knit...
My grandmother, Irene, spent decades crocheting afghans and throw blankets for the people she loves. One of my favorite childhood memories is nap time on our scratchy green couch. When my sister and I were little our nap schedules were completely opposite (despite my mother's desperate attempts to synchronise them). During my sister's nap time, my mom would turn on a quiet show for me to watch while she and my sister slept. We three curled up together on on the old green sofa in the den, under a very 70's afghan made by my Gramma. Years later when I had children of my own it somehow wandered into my apartment and I will Never. Let. It. Go.
At some point my Gramma managed to make three of beautiful cream blankets - one for myself, my brother and my sister. I can't imagine making knitting three of the same blanket -let alone one as complex as this. She'll tell it's a simple pattern and no big deal but now that I have a clue about what goes into these, I'm just floored. I love the classic beauty of this one.
I'd really love to have this blanket out in use but I just can't bear the idea of little fingers poking through the holes or leave an uncapped marker on it (shudder!) so it's hanging out at my mother's house until I can welcome it home. I can just picture it draped over the back of the rocker glider that I nursed my babies in.
My Gramma just kept on crocheting. I was thrilled to receive this one at my bridal shower and it moved with my husband and I from our first apartment to our condo. Whenever I was sick or just feeling blah I began to reach for its familiar comfort. I snuggled under it through pregnancies and newborn days and eventually it gained permanent residence on my side of the bed. When my oldest daughter began to talk, my Gramma became Nonnie and this blanket became The Nonnie Blanket. When the children were sick or frightened at night they would ask to borrow it, fighting over it until I brought out the green and brown one ... now dubbed The Other Nonnie Blanket.
And then we were all sick at once ... leaving no Nonnie Blanket for me. So I began to knit...
I wanted these to be surprises so every time the girls asked me what I was knitting I told them they were shawls - for me. Maddie actually helped me choose the colors of yarn without realizing what it would be for. The acrylic yarn was hard on my hands but it feels soft and squishy to the touch. I usually knit with some variety of wool but I wanted these to be working blankets, to be dragged around, loved up and most of all, machine washable.
Maddie sleeps under hers every night and Audrey keeps hers by her pillow so she can reach out and hold a corner if she needs it.
Maddie asked me to write that she likes snuggling under it because she loves it so much. When I gave these to each girl, I told them that each blanket was over 17,000 stitches and that each stitch was full of love. I always appreciated Nonnie's afghans but never knew how much time and love went into each one until I made my own.
 |
| Myself, Nonnie holding newborn Maddie, Gramma Baker and The Nonnie Blanket |
 |
| Grandpa Jack and Nonnie |
I love you Nonnie!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Maria Carreiro's Massa Cevada (Portuguese Sweet Bread)
This is my modified recipe. I have left the ingredients as intact as possible but have modified the technique slightly. The bottom image is my three year old daughter, Madeline, enjoying her first taste of her great-great-grandmother's bread.
Maria Carreiro's Massa Cevada (Portuguese Sweet Bread)
makes 6 very small (grapefruit sized) or 4 small loaves
6 1/2c unbleached white flour
1 1/2c sugar
6 eggs beaten
1 tbl yeast
1/4lb + 2tbl unsalted butter (original recipe had tbl lard instead of butter)
1 c warm milk
1/4 c warm water
1 tsp sea or kosher salt
Additional milk for brushing top of loaf
In a very large mixing bowl (at least 5.5 qts), mix flour, salt & yeast.
In a small saucepan, gently warm milk and water to about room temperature. IMPORTANT! While cold liquids can slow the rising process, HOT liquids can kill off your yeast. Err on the side of caution and be sure your liquids are warm, not hot. Add sugar & beaten eggs to saucepan. Wisk until blended.
Pour milk mixture to flour mixture and take a moment to put the butter into that same small sauce pan and set it over lowest heat. It will melt within a few minutes without getting to hot (remember ... HOT = BAD).
Mix milk & flour mixtures together (just until uniformly blended - you are NOT kneading it) while butter melts. While you can use a stand mixer to blend the milk mix dough, I find using a wooden spoon and then my hands gives me a more thorough blending without toughening the dough.
Add butter to dough and gently incorperate it. This works best with your hands, if you can stand the feel of the butter. It takes a while to incorporate all that butter but be patient and work the dough gently.
Allow to rest in a draft-free location for at least 2.5 hrs. Don't worry about doubling, etc - just time it.
Cover lightly (do NOT make an airtight seal) and refridgerate until chilled. This dough is best worked after chilling.
AT BAKING TIME:
Butter pan or pans well. You can easily bake a few loaves at ones or cut off a chunk of dough, returning the rest to be refridgerated for up to five days. The traditional shape for this bread is round but I baked these by rounding the dough and setting it in an oval baking ceramic dish. Glass or non-stick would work fine, as would a square or rectangle. I don't recommend a baking stone, but hey, whatever float's your boat...
Sprinkle surface of dough in rising container liberally with flour.
Using a serrated knife, kitchen shears (my preference) or a dough scraper to cut out the chunk(s) of dough you will be baking today. Sprinkle chunk of dough with more flour and gentle pull edges out and tuck under, creating a ball. This should take UNDER a minute. That's it.
Set in baking pan, pat top of dough to gently flatten it slightly and allow to rest in a draft free area for at least 1hr 40m or until dough is not cool to the touch.
Preheat oven to 350 for at least five minutes.
Liberally brush dough with milk or cream and place on center rack in oven (can bake multiple loaves at once, just don't crowd the oven).
Baste at least 3x with more milk or cream while baking to create a sweet rich upper crust.
Bake 35-45 minutes for very small loaves, 40-50min for medium or larger loaves. Please know that this time is just a guideline ... this part takes practice. It is challenging to know when bread is truly done - I use time as a guideline and base done-ness more on color of crust (should be uniformly very deep golden brown). With wet dough, under-baking will create a gummy center. If this occurs, bake longer next time.
Additional notes on the recipe amd from my cousin Michele...
~ Grammy doubled this recipe and made 12 small loaves
~ Option: after forming ball of dough but before resting period, wash an egg in cold water, press into dough on top of each loaf; put one or two strips of dough across the egg. Continue with rest of recipe.
The original recipe called for kneading the dough, letting it rise until doubled, rolling in flour and then baking as noted above. You can experiement with this method if you prefer, but I find the rest/chill/rest method allows for a really nice texture and is more forgiving.
If you've read this far, go you :) You may want to read the story behind my baking this bread...
Maria Carreiro's Massa Cevada (Portuguese Sweet Bread)
makes 6 very small (grapefruit sized) or 4 small loaves
6 1/2c unbleached white flour
1 1/2c sugar
6 eggs beaten
1 tbl yeast
1/4lb + 2tbl unsalted butter (original recipe had tbl lard instead of butter)
1 c warm milk
1/4 c warm water
1 tsp sea or kosher salt
Additional milk for brushing top of loaf
In a very large mixing bowl (at least 5.5 qts), mix flour, salt & yeast.
In a small saucepan, gently warm milk and water to about room temperature. IMPORTANT! While cold liquids can slow the rising process, HOT liquids can kill off your yeast. Err on the side of caution and be sure your liquids are warm, not hot. Add sugar & beaten eggs to saucepan. Wisk until blended.
Pour milk mixture to flour mixture and take a moment to put the butter into that same small sauce pan and set it over lowest heat. It will melt within a few minutes without getting to hot (remember ... HOT = BAD).
Mix milk & flour mixtures together (just until uniformly blended - you are NOT kneading it) while butter melts. While you can use a stand mixer to blend the milk mix dough, I find using a wooden spoon and then my hands gives me a more thorough blending without toughening the dough.
Add butter to dough and gently incorperate it. This works best with your hands, if you can stand the feel of the butter. It takes a while to incorporate all that butter but be patient and work the dough gently.
Allow to rest in a draft-free location for at least 2.5 hrs. Don't worry about doubling, etc - just time it.
Cover lightly (do NOT make an airtight seal) and refridgerate until chilled. This dough is best worked after chilling.
AT BAKING TIME:
Butter pan or pans well. You can easily bake a few loaves at ones or cut off a chunk of dough, returning the rest to be refridgerated for up to five days. The traditional shape for this bread is round but I baked these by rounding the dough and setting it in an oval baking ceramic dish. Glass or non-stick would work fine, as would a square or rectangle. I don't recommend a baking stone, but hey, whatever float's your boat...
Sprinkle surface of dough in rising container liberally with flour.
Using a serrated knife, kitchen shears (my preference) or a dough scraper to cut out the chunk(s) of dough you will be baking today. Sprinkle chunk of dough with more flour and gentle pull edges out and tuck under, creating a ball. This should take UNDER a minute. That's it.
Set in baking pan, pat top of dough to gently flatten it slightly and allow to rest in a draft free area for at least 1hr 40m or until dough is not cool to the touch.
Preheat oven to 350 for at least five minutes.
Liberally brush dough with milk or cream and place on center rack in oven (can bake multiple loaves at once, just don't crowd the oven).
Baste at least 3x with more milk or cream while baking to create a sweet rich upper crust.
Bake 35-45 minutes for very small loaves, 40-50min for medium or larger loaves. Please know that this time is just a guideline ... this part takes practice. It is challenging to know when bread is truly done - I use time as a guideline and base done-ness more on color of crust (should be uniformly very deep golden brown). With wet dough, under-baking will create a gummy center. If this occurs, bake longer next time.
Additional notes on the recipe amd from my cousin Michele...
~ Grammy doubled this recipe and made 12 small loaves
~ Option: after forming ball of dough but before resting period, wash an egg in cold water, press into dough on top of each loaf; put one or two strips of dough across the egg. Continue with rest of recipe.
The original recipe called for kneading the dough, letting it rise until doubled, rolling in flour and then baking as noted above. You can experiement with this method if you prefer, but I find the rest/chill/rest method allows for a really nice texture and is more forgiving.
If you've read this far, go you :) You may want to read the story behind my baking this bread...
The story behind my sweet bread adventure...
Forgive me if this is not the most smooth account, but I wanted to record this before I forget it all!
I never met my great grandmother, Maria Carreiro. Many people don't but for me there is special meaning in that. You see, my mother's and father's parents had known each other socially for years. My mother spent many years hearing about Teddy and my father heard all about my mother. It was at my fatehr's grandmother's funeral in 1969, however, that they finally met at adults. My father recalls seeing a stunning woman with a black mantilla covering her long, thick black hair. He decided he needed to persue her ... and did so that very night, stopping by her home to thank her parents for their condolences. They were married in 1970 :)
Maria Assumpcao Borges Carreiro (1894-1969) was married to Camillo Carreiro. I believe they were both from Sao Miguel in the Azore islands of Portugal. They went on to have three children, my grandmother Mary Carme, her sister Tillie and their brother Joseph.
My father and my cousins fondly remember Grammy Carreiro's Massa Cevada - it was a special treat only made a few times a year. Traditionally Massa Cevada is made at Easter with a whole egg in the shell baked in it. My mother grew up enjoying Grammy Carreiro's bread as well ... as friends of the family, they were treated to her wonderful baking. It really resonates for me that my family has been making this bread for (most likely) at least a hundred years!
At Thanksgiving my grandmother mused that I might be able to manage this recipe so I decided to attempt it for a Christmas Eve surpise. I contacted my cousin Michele and she kindly sent me what she had.
My great grandmother, like most, never used a recipe or measure out ingredients. Her method of teaching my grandmother and her daughter in-law (Michele's mother, Dot) was to bake with them watching, throwing in a bit of this and that ... and she also didn't speak english well. This recipe was written down on two very old index cards and I give Michele toooons of credit for copying it all over for me :)
My mom, grandmother and Aunt Dot all referred to this recipe as hard to make because it was a particularly sticky dough. Ironically I've spent the last three months learning how to bake with wet, sticky doughs. When I compared her recipe to the ones I have been using, I realized I could apply the same techniques to make this do-able. For someone unfamiliar with wet-dough baking, I can see how challenging this would be.
My biggest question regarding the accuracy of this recipe is the yeast measurements. They are the ONLY edits I have made to the ingredient list, as most bakers no longer use yeast cakes. One important thing to know is that my method of baking is very forgiving regarding yeast discrepancies, so precision isn't vital.
Here are some cool links I stumbled upon while researching the history of yeast ...
A Short History of Yeast
Food History Resources - this is a wild page, check it out!
I never met my great grandmother, Maria Carreiro. Many people don't but for me there is special meaning in that. You see, my mother's and father's parents had known each other socially for years. My mother spent many years hearing about Teddy and my father heard all about my mother. It was at my fatehr's grandmother's funeral in 1969, however, that they finally met at adults. My father recalls seeing a stunning woman with a black mantilla covering her long, thick black hair. He decided he needed to persue her ... and did so that very night, stopping by her home to thank her parents for their condolences. They were married in 1970 :)
Maria Assumpcao Borges Carreiro (1894-1969) was married to Camillo Carreiro. I believe they were both from Sao Miguel in the Azore islands of Portugal. They went on to have three children, my grandmother Mary Carme, her sister Tillie and their brother Joseph.
My father and my cousins fondly remember Grammy Carreiro's Massa Cevada - it was a special treat only made a few times a year. Traditionally Massa Cevada is made at Easter with a whole egg in the shell baked in it. My mother grew up enjoying Grammy Carreiro's bread as well ... as friends of the family, they were treated to her wonderful baking. It really resonates for me that my family has been making this bread for (most likely) at least a hundred years!
At Thanksgiving my grandmother mused that I might be able to manage this recipe so I decided to attempt it for a Christmas Eve surpise. I contacted my cousin Michele and she kindly sent me what she had.
My great grandmother, like most, never used a recipe or measure out ingredients. Her method of teaching my grandmother and her daughter in-law (Michele's mother, Dot) was to bake with them watching, throwing in a bit of this and that ... and she also didn't speak english well. This recipe was written down on two very old index cards and I give Michele toooons of credit for copying it all over for me :)
My mom, grandmother and Aunt Dot all referred to this recipe as hard to make because it was a particularly sticky dough. Ironically I've spent the last three months learning how to bake with wet, sticky doughs. When I compared her recipe to the ones I have been using, I realized I could apply the same techniques to make this do-able. For someone unfamiliar with wet-dough baking, I can see how challenging this would be.
My biggest question regarding the accuracy of this recipe is the yeast measurements. They are the ONLY edits I have made to the ingredient list, as most bakers no longer use yeast cakes. One important thing to know is that my method of baking is very forgiving regarding yeast discrepancies, so precision isn't vital.
Here are some cool links I stumbled upon while researching the history of yeast ...
A Short History of Yeast
Food History Resources - this is a wild page, check it out!
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