Deconstruction of a Huff.

Yes, its nearly one a.m. and here I am sitting on the couch in a huff. Not one of my most mature moves ever, but hey, at least I had a long nap today.

So what the heck happened? I'm going to try writing this out with specifics and then revising it to be more global, not about the minutae but about me.

I had a disagreement with someone and they ignored me rather than acknowledge what I was saying. Sigh.

So why did I get so upset? That's why I'm writing ... to try to figure out my end.

I know a few things really upset me.

~ We had an agreement they ignored it just hours later. This bothers me because I feel like they don't take commitments to me seriously.

I want to matter. I want to be taken seriously and see it in people's actions.

~ Its about a choice, a compromise. If they refuse to compromise to protect their physical comfort, I am caused pain and lose function.

Compromise is an action that shows my needs matter.

~ I feels like they just don't REMEMBER what triggers pain in me.

Remembering is an action that shows I matter.

~ They used silence to avoid showing me they were hearing me, they did not acknowledge my frustration.

Acknowledging that I am heard and understood shows I matter.

~They ignored attempts to discuss it and would not share their side.

Having a dialogue with me, even an angry one, until we reach a conclusion shows I matter.

~ I'm afraid we will end up estranged like we were before.

I am afraid of not being taken seriously. I am afraid of not mattering again.


I'm really hurt from experiencing a period where I didn't matter and not sure how to feel safe again.


Feeling like people take me seriously is something I have always struggled with.