Five Minutes of Insanity

Five Minutes of Insanity

The cast of characters-
Audrey, age 5 1/2 going on 16
Maddie, age 3
Me, the zookeeper here

Audrey: Mom where are my baby-shower-shoes?
Me: Hon, those don't fit you anymore.
Audrey: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?? Moooooooooo-oooooooooom...
Me: Audrey we bought those for you to wear to Auntie's baby shower TWO YEARS AGO.

**pause**

Audrey: Mom, for my birthday I want another pair of baby-shower-shoes, pink ones. But if they don't have pink, you can get me red or purple. And if they don't have red or purple you can get me pink.
Me: Hon, we'll talk about your birthday in June.

**pause**


Audrey: Hey mom where is the pink dress I wore peach picking, the one with the flowers? I wore it with my baby-shower shoes...
Me: 1) it is packed away because its a summer dress, 2) it DOESN'T FIT YOU BECAUSE YOU WORE IT TWO YEARS AGO.
Audrey: MOM!! MOM!! You need to PROMISE you'll get me another one of those dresses!!!
Me: No, hon, I won't promise you that. I do make sure you have lots of lovely clothes, but I can't promise you I will get you another of those dresses.
Audrey: Mooooooooooo-oooooooooooooooom ... OVERALLS AREN'T LOVELY!!

**pause while I breathe**

Me: Audrey, do you remember EVER seeing overalls in your drawer? You haven't had a pair of overalls in over three years.

**and from the peanut gallery...**

Maddie: Mummy? I want overalls for my birthday. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE? I DON"T HAVE ANY!!!
Me: Maddie, we can talk about your birthday in November.

**pause**

Maddie: ... um Mummy? What ARE overalls?

**and becuase it was too quiet..**

Audrey: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooom ... there are no pretty dresses to wear today!! I want a short sleeved summer dress - all these dresses have long sleeves...
Me: (deep breath) Audrey it is below freezing outside.
Audrey: I *knooooooow* mom, I'll wear a long sleeve shirt over it.

:|

And it is only 9:38.