What can you accomplish...

... when someone believes in you?

Two years ago I began to have difficulty driving. My comfort-level and driving radius began to shrink as my energy, concentration and focus declined. I said goodbye to friends in Framingham, then Arlington... let go of grocery shopping, knitting classes and mom's nights out. Finally I let go of acupuncture and driving the children to school.

I drove as long as I felt safe, pushed myself to every safe limit and even tho I was never afraid I had to admit my abilities had changed.

One year ago, I stopped driving.

I still climbed into the van about once a month and piloted it down the street to the pharmacy or the natural food store to keep my nerve but I returned home each time exhausted and worn.

My family and friends rallied around me, offering rides and company. Some people are homebodies. Some people have to be on the move ... I am the latter. Not being able to hop in my car and drive the kids to the playground or the library was killing me. There is no helpful public transport nearby and nothing we can walk to.

About a month ago something changed. I began to wonder if I could look at this in shades of gray as opposed to black and white. Maybe I could get back to driving just a little bit. Maybe there was something I could change that would make it just a little bit easier.

It. Was. The. Van.

Why the heck do we have a van? My husband's SUV is a decent size for us with plenty of cargo space. I bought the van thinking we'd give rides to the girls' friends in the extra seats. Except... if I can't drive, then I can't drive my own kids, let alone extra kids. It was GREAT to get my heavy-heavy infant and little kiddo into their rear facing seat and I could easily get their double stroller into it. Except... they are bigger kids now, sit forward facing, can climb into their own seat and don't ride in a stroller any more. It was fantastic for carrying my huge babycarrier stash to conferences and babywearing meetings. Except... I don't teach any more because it's too fatiguing.

Why the heck do we have a van?

Huh.

I was torn. Why trade in my van for something smaller, easier to manage when I haven't driven in a year? Should we really be car hunting right after having to replace my husbands car due to an accident? Can I handle the strain of another vehicle search and negotiation?

My husband said Try it. My mom and dad said Try it. I know all three of them said it with reservations ... I know they weren't convinced that a different car would make a difference. But what if it did? Tina and Lise said GO for it!

It had to be small enough that I could maneuver it without too much strain, a seat that was not to high nor too low, large enough to be safe and comfortably hold my family. Oy.

Research, comparisons, eyeballing cars in parking lots led to visiting car lots and then mini test drives (some cars I never even got out of the lot). Until today. Full serious test drive. For an accurate comparison, I drove Maddie to school first in the van. Still completely exhausting.

I know alot of people who get nervous driving a new vehicle ... try doing it out of practice. It was...

GOOD!

I'm not kidding myself. My body, my abilities are still the same. But if I can make driving just a LITTLE easier and be able to drive just a LITTLE bit, I know my family and I will be so much happier.

I know it seems bizarre that I didn't try this earlier but those who know me truly understand how hard I have tried to hang onto every possible shred of freedom these last fews years. And I did try other people's cars but never before realized all the components that impacted my abilities (tinted windows, low/high seats, large size etc).

So thanks, Paul, Lise, Tina, Mom and Dad ... its amazing how a person's life can open up because someone has faith in them and encourages them to try.