Making Changes

At some point every parent makes changes in their life for the sake of their kids. Some are dramatic - choosing to live far away from family so they can have a house, quitting smoking to set a good example - and others are less so. Regardless how small, parents often make changes for their children that they would never do for anyone else.

For the last five years I've worn a headscarf daily (and nightly) ...

except for special occasions (see folks ... I do have hair)...

I've worn it in the hospital giving birth, in the hospital for medical testing, on the plane to and from Oregon with my two insane little children, down the Cape on the beach, swimming in the pool. I even repeatedly crossed a thirteen foot long bed of hot coals as part of a meditation evening wearing one.

I really can't stand having my hair in my face but more importantly, I need a reason to smile whenever possible. The bright batik head scarves I wear were produced by a woman in Vermont and women in Bali under fair-trade conditions. I have about twenty colors ranging from soft tree bark brown to vibrant oranges and greens. When I pass by a mirror and see my reflection, my spirits are uplifted and I can't help but smile at the way this one makes my eyes pop or that one matches my favorite skirt. They help me keep going in a body that wants to quit.

People ask me why I wear them. Women, why do you wear a bra? Because you put it on once for function and it stuck? Because you like how it changes your appearance? For comfort? Because you are used to looking a certain way? There ya go. I also really like that I save something I consider one of my most beautiful features for special occasions, that its my choice, that its special.

Sigh. I love these stinking things. And now I am conciously taking a break from them.

My littlest girl (on my back above) has gorgeous honey colored curls. Annnnnnnnnnnd she hates them. She sobbed at her last haircut, disappointed that the stylist hadn't made her hair straight like her big sister's hair: "Mommy I yook TEWIBBOO. I yook AWFOO!!". Big fat tears aaaaaall over the place. We've made a concious effort to cut her hair in a feminine style and avoid the poodle cut (I grew up with that disaster, thank you). You name it, we did it. Nada.

The other night while I was out with my girlfriends (after the sangria but before the margaritas) I realized with a shock that *I* may be giving her the impression that I dislike my curls. I actually love them and tell her that but do I SHOW her that? No. I cover them up every day and night, except for special occasions. Crap.

So. For my curly girl I am making a concerted effort to NOT wear my headscarfs as much as possible. I hate it. I'm cranky. I'm self concious on the inside but confident and loving my curls on the outside. I miss my colorful spots of happiness but as all parents know, it's worth it. For her.